I fixed it!

Okay. I'm back. I think the microphone exploded. So I actually have something to talk about!

That's a lie.

No it isn't! Apparently, I mean according to Blogger, a Polish person reads my blog!

Here she goes..

Now this is a big deal for me.

No it's not.

Hush! It's a big deal for two reasons.

Why not three?

Fine. Three reasons. Anyway..

Reason one?

Yep! Reason one is because I am a quarter Polish, on my grandad's (may he rest in piece) side. I've never been to Poland but it makes me happy to think a Polish person reads my blog.

*nods*

Reason two?

Reason two. Yep. So I don't know of anyone who frequents 'Blogland' as being Polish.

I will laugh if you're wrong about that.

Shhhh! So anyway, if no one on Blogland is Polish that means someone who doesn't actually know me AT ALL reads my blog!

That sounds weird.

You sound weird. Stop being mean to people.

Reason three?

There's a reason three?

You said there was.

Did I?
You did.
Oh.
You don't have a third reason do you?
Of course I do!
What is it then?
The third reason...the reason that comes after reason two...is...er...that...it means that one  more person listens to my carzy ramblings! Which is always nice.
Sure that was the reason.
Shut up. Anyway, see y'all reeeeeeeeal soon!
*explodes in a puff of glitter and smoke*

*taps microphone*

H-hello? Is this thing on? H-helloooooo? Can you hear meeeeee? 

They can hear you.

They can?

Yes.

Oh. Oh good! Hello! Welcome to my vlog minus the video by which I mean my blog! If you expect to learn anything for this, well

*points at an exit*

The doors there. Cause this isn't the blog for you. Sorry. Maybe try somewhere else?

So hello anyone who hasn't left. Which is probably no one but oh well! Talking to myself is my number one hobby!

Wait isn't that the first sign of madness..

Ah...

Oh well cause I never said I wasn't mad.

SHE'S BONKERS! RUN! RUN WHILE YOU CAN!

What why would you run? I joking obviously.

I'm not.

Hush. Anyway.. Damn. Where was I?

On the crazytown express?

Yes! Wait no. I was saying how everyone is awesome.

EVERYTHING IS AWESOME! EVERYTHING IS COOL WHEN YOU'RE PART OF A TEAM! EVERYTHING IS-

*slaps her* Not now! Focus!

Right yes focus er...

*sighs*

Anyway I hope you enjoyed this welcome! I certainly did. So, you know..er..

See y'all real soon?

Hey that's my line! 

Then say it.

You don't tell me what to do! I'll say it when I want to say it! Maybe I don't want to finish talking yet! Maybe I want to keep talki-

*microphone explodes*