Diary

So I curled up and wept.
I wept for all those I had failed, the tears silent apologies.
For Sophia, and my inability to change 'depressed' no matter which media we used to talk.
For Gemma, the one who listened, and who I could never help up.
For Kas, who claimed I was amazing, who I never could help.
For Matthew, who's heart I broke. And who was right to call me a moron.
For Zafira, feeling unwelcome and unwanted despite my best efforts.
For Danni, and all those times.
For Elleni, Star, Mithria and everyone else, always having to hear me whine.

I wept for my offline friends.
For Chloe, whom I always pissed off.
For Grace, who I teased and bullied, bringing her close to tears much to often.
For Naoise, who I'm fairly certain Hayes me secretly but is too nice to admit it.
For Ed, having to sit with his ex.
For Darnell, who I hardly saw except on the bus or when I was having some of his drink.
For Emily, who only contacted me for homework and so she wasn't alone walking to school.

I wept for Mum, unable to even let me hug her as she cried.
For Adam, having to live with an 'idiot'.
For Kayleigh, who moved out to avoid me, and only likes my visits because it means she doesn't have to cook.
For Nathan, who was off the rails and never even saw me anymore.
For Connor, having to live with a 'selfish and evil girl.'
For dad, who threw away happiness for us.

The list for whom I wept goes on, but I cried until I was raw.
Is this the girl you 'love', on mother?
The one 'forged of fire'.
Is the the child you praised, oh mother?
Black soul reflected in baby eyes.

Dreams and Despair

Dreams are a funny thing aren't they..people say they tell you things, if you have the mind to listen to them..

I certainly hope that isn't true.

See lately my dreams haven't been so sweet, and nor has their message. It isn't exactly making me feel good.

She's a wimp. She shakes and curls up and had a weird weak feeling.
They all seem to be saying the same thing and I..I've been told that it's not true. Many times. But..Well. Somethings are suggesting otherwise.
Oh stop being a cry baby.
Sorry. Anyway..I just..wanted to wish you all good dreams..Because bad dreams only lead to despair..And you all deserve better.
Goodbye weird humans who read this.