AKs/Feastlings (The Brothers)

Tall men with shaggy hair, their skin colours alternating like those of a human. Eyes a startling array of blues and purples, very few with green tints in their eyes. They usually wear ripped shirts, baggy pants, and gentle smiles. They are in themselves a lie.
Watch their eyes change, the colour draining out of them to flood their skin, leaving the whites of their eyes stained the colour of their normal skin, their irises a bleached white. Watch their grins turn feral, they need not grow in size and instead they grow smaller, though not by much. Sharp black teeth sprout from blood red gums as their skin grows taught on their face, their skull nearly visible. Gaze upon them, the beasts that stand and instil fear in the hearts and minds of others. Listen to the frequencies, the waves of power radiating off them, capable of killing a man. Or sustaining one. Listen to the brutal laughter, the human voice which echoes from their chests. Listen to the deep roar which can crumble buildings, and their deafening whistle that can shatter glass. Feel their influence, their control. These are not the ones who went wrong. Stand in awe of these skin and bones monsters, their strength hidden deep within, making you dare to believe them weak.
Feel their sharp claws grating against your rib cage, their teeth ripping away your flesh. Whimper at the glee in their eyes as they feast, sustaining you, amplifying your pain, eating you alive. Cower as they devour your organs, your strength. Cry as they rip out your heart, slipping it into their bags and biting through your delicate skull. Endure the crunching, scraping, grinding, snapping, breaking of who you are as they take your brain for their sustenance.
And rejoice as you wake within your body, your eyes new, smiling gently and watching your prey. Feel the power vibrating beneath your skin, writhing and waiting, a kaleidoscope of voices echoing in your mind, welcoming you, guiding you. Celebrate, for you are a lucky one. You are a worthy one. And you are no longer a no one.
You are an AK. You are a Feastling.
Now join your brothers.

I'm 100% No One Reads This Anymore

Maybe I'm a goody two shoes
Or maybe I'm just a wimp
Maybe I'm a dork or a dweeb or a prude

Idk.

But I have really big problems with when my family do/ talk about illegal or controversial things positively.

Even if it's legal in another country it makes me feel uncomfortable.
Well, that and childish.

I don't even know why, all I know is it makes me want to run away from the conversation/act.

But I can't usually.

And it makes me frustrated, it makes me sad and angry and uncomfortable and just so.. Unhappy.

Yeah.

Is life just one big gimmick?
Is there something in it?
I don't know.
Is life just about fact?
This means this and that.
I suppose so?
What am I doing wrong?
Writing this weird "song?"
I doubt it.

I don't know how to ask for help.
Well, I know how to, because that is simple.
I guess I just don't know how to allow myself to ask for help.
How to say "can I talk to someone"

I sit and stare at my phone, mouth silently opening and closing.
It's no use. You won't speak.

I can't make people with bigger problems listen to my whining.
So recently I've taken to writing post's I'll never publish, then deleting them. At least then I get to vent, just to open space. To nobody. To the sarcastic persona I characterize here.
That would be MS Sarcastic Persona to you.
 Sometimes I think about leaving. Not leaving home, or life, but leaving the online.
I don't know why I think of that, all my support is here, online.
Most, not all. Idiot.
Whatever. But it's true, the majority of my support comes from my online friends.. leaving would only hurt me and them.

It ties into my self sabbotage theory.
I think that I sabbotage myself, stop myself from being who I can be.
I've had two main turning points in my life so far, both being when I moved school. At my first primary school I was content, I was happy. A sweet little smart duckling. The I moved to a different primary school and, well I became quite violent. I settled down again upon going to secondary school, but I do wonder where my self sabbotaging went, and also where all that anger and violence went.. and where it started..

I'm going to post this. I've decided I will.

Dreams

Neil, Gareth, Demon Grace, Demon Nathan.
Neil - Wore leathers, had knife, talked about how he enjoyed being tall and about how good a deal he got on the clothing except for the boots which were specially made for him.
Chloe read where we shouldn't damage school wise. We realized time was basically up and ran to the circle. Told the teachers to prepare as we hadn't told them and they didn't believe us.
Gareth - Just before he became a demon. Had a G on the side of his head, tattooed three. Was wearing school uniform. Exploded head and body into fire.
Everyone ran away from him, a select few ran towards him.
Demon Grace - Was now the demon. Glowing faintly like a flickering flame and tanned. Had claws which retracted, as did I and Chloe. Demon Grace attacked others then laughed and turned to me. 'Why do I always end up fighting you!' Scratching, painful claws. The pain made me laugh. "I don't know!" More scratches.Started pretending to play fish. 'Do you have any twos?' "Go fish!" 'Let's see shall we! Two of hearts, one, two of spades, two, two of diamonds, three!' Claws for each card. Face and chest hurts. Started exchanging scratches, still calling out cards, laughing. Badly hurt, grabs demon Grace from behind and gets lots of scratches in. Gets one more than Grace then bell is called, fighting stops. Looking smug.
Walk over to near the wall, grinning, scratched but not badly. Professional looks grim, holding baby.
Demon Nathan - Tanned and holding a baby, flickering, grinning. Accidently sets baby on fire but baby is fireproof so it's okay. Looks energized.
Professional hands human Chloe, no claws, the baby.

So I had a weird dream. Grace is on of my best friends, Nathan is a long ago ex. Neil is a family friend and Gareth is a friend. If dreams have meanings I'd love to know that ones. I was a demon I think.. but I was human.. idk. Dreams.

I don't usually remember my dreams either.. Maybe this one's important..

You are scum
I tell myself this, having finished my book.
You are a sadistic bitch who belongs in the dirt on her knees. Always getting things handed to her.
Its true. I am..
Slowly I turn to my phone, I load up the page.
About 2 hours I've been gone.
Too bad no one noticed or cared. Because no one does care.
That's not true. People do care.
You just don't care enough to believe them.
My only reply, a sigh.
Load up the blog to make this post.
Of course no one's commented.
Mmm. The back of your leg is soft. Tender. Smooth. Perfect spot for-
No. I promised I wouldn't. Plus the sting wasn't as good as the pain from a scratch.
Facebook message..
Yeah. Course I'm okay. Always..
Even when I'm not.
...
*sighs*

M

M has stopped talking to me.. guess I should be relived.

Yeah right.

I doubt anyone's reading, but sometimes I wonder if other people plan what they'd put in their last notes to their parent/family.

Hi I'm leaving bye?

No. Thats just.. not it.

I'm trying to figure what to ramble about..

Oh pity me I've a decent life with a decent upbringing oh it's so upsetting that I'm better off than others!

I hate myself.

I'm sad about art.

Really, I can't say anything..

I shouldn't post this, but I will. I doubt anyone cares but.. Oh well. Maybe a sadist will stumble along this and laugh for a while.

'Least I've done som'in' half decent them..

All I am is mean, and a liar, and pathetic, and alone in life..

"An I can see you years from now in a bar.
Talking over a football game.
With that same big loud opinion
Jai, no bodies listening.
You're washed up and ranting about the same old bitter things."
Hmph..

Tada. Wands. Not mine, just neat..